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The Last Entry?

February 13, 2015  •  1 Comment

For those of you that follow me, you've probably noticed that I've been exceptionally quiet the last month or so.  I really don't know if this is the proper forum for this or not, but I figure it's my website, and I just need to get it out there.  Last month my family and I got into a car accident.  We're all okay, but the car is totaled.  As it is I'm waiting on the check from the insurance company to come in before I can get a new car.  Couple that with the fact that I have not been steadily employed since November, and I've learned something about myself.  In the past month I've barely left the house.  I haven't had a car, and even on the weekends my wife has practically had to drag me out of the house.  As it is I haven't even picked up my camera since the accident and it dawned on me. 

I'm depressed. 

I didn't think I was.  I have been very depressed before and compared to that, I've just been kind of bummed, or at least that's what I thought, but all the warning signs are there.  I have almost no interest in anything right now.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I love spending time with them, but aside from that I've been sitting on the couch looking for a job and watching Netflix.  I'm not scared to drive, although my wife will tell you that I'm still jumpy and paranoid, I just...don't want to go out.  It's just really feeling like being kicked in the gut when you're already down.  jobless for almost two months, and then the car getting totaled on top of it just...sucks.

With all that in mind, I'm debating shutting down the website.  It's not that I don't love it, or sharing my art with everyone, I'm just...tired.  Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything, but I do recognize the signs an symptoms, even if some are more subtle than others, and will be talking to my PCP about it in the very near future. 

I don't mention all of this for pity.  In fact I debated posting it at all, because I'm not normally one to just put it all out there, but like I said I just needed to get it off my chest. 

In good news after 3 months of being unemployed I did get called up to do some sub work, and once my background check clears I should be starting next week after orientation.  With any luck it'll be enough days during the week to help me get back on my feet.


Comments

Sharna(non-registered)
Hey Ian,
I hope that you are OK. This is sad. And it's been almost a year since you've written this.
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